Week 4 Story

The Journey of Rabai

One cold morning, Remy, son of King Habbash, had been given a mission to take on. There were many things going on in the kingdom that had to be done. Remy was told to go and get his older brother, Rabai, who had been banished from their kingdom. After many years had passed, King Habbash wanted to see his first son. Rabai was exiled due to his lack of work ethic and laziness. He was only interested in girls and drinking, that it had began to be a problem. Rabai had always been the strong, handsome son, that girls loved to be around. Once his father was tired of seeing his son destroy the image of their royalty, he banished his son. Being now that the King misses his son and regrets his ultimate decision. With Rabai's whereabouts being unknown, Remy had to seek help from his father's friend, Laurence. The journey was set to take 20 days, so Remy took his dear friend along. Once the two gathered what they needed, they began their journey.

Remy: "Hey Mila, do you think we'll be able to find Laurence without any trouble?"

Mila: "I'm sure we can as long as we're cautious."

On the two went to Laurence's hut far far away. 

Laurence's apprentice: "Sir, I believe there are two strangers headed this way."

Laurence: "Disguise yourself as a poor lady and see what these strangers want."

The time came when Remy and Mila ran into the poor lady

 Poor lady: "Hello, I've never seen your faces around here before, what do you do?"

Remy: "I came here to see my father's dear friend, Laurence."

Poor lady: "Laurence? What is your reason so?"

Remy: "My father has sent me to find my brother."

POOF! 

 Laurence's apprentice: "Hello, son of Habbash, I have been awaiting your arrival!"

Remy & Mila: "....?"

Laurence's apprentice: "I am Sir Laurence's apprentice and he has sent me to see who you were."

Laurence's apprentice: "Now, please follow me, so that I may take you to him."

The two follow the apprentice and are taken to Laurence

 Laurence: "What is my nephew doing so far away from home?"

Remy: "I must find my brother and father told me you were able to help!"

Laurence: "Well, I believe I can be of great help to you."

Out came Rabai, strong and handsome as he's always been.
Rama

 Bibliography: Bibliography: Sugriva and Hanuman by Geraldine Hudgson

Author's Note: I got the idea of my story from Sugriva and Hanuman, when Rama and Lakshmana were on their journey to find Sugriva. Both Rama and Sugriva have been exiled from their kingdoms and are to be of much help to one another. Rama is in need of Sugriva's protection, so he goes out to find him. Sugriva accepts to help Rama and his journey to go find his wife. 



Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 14, 2018 at 7:27 PM

    Hi Paul,

    I enjoyed reading your story. I think that your interpretation of this story is very cool. I liked how you changed the characters and played with some familiar plot elements. It is also good that you included some dialogue to provide the readers with a more personal connection to your characters. Great job and I look forward to reading more.

    -Andy McDowell



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  2. UnknownSeptember 15, 2018 at 3:43 AM

    Hi Paul!

    I like how you stayed true to the original story through the use of dialog that was very well written. The story is a simple one but you provided a solid intro and a satisfactory ending in a short amount of time. You did so without it being dull. However, I was wondering who his apprentice was, and what it is he was learning from Laurence.

    -Hayden Benyshek

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  3. Gimpy379September 16, 2018 at 3:32 PM

    Hi Paul! I liked the overall idea of the story but I was a little confused. It's short and brisk exposition made it hard for me to understand what was going on. I also couldn't figure out who Mila was, since she didn't receive the same sort of introduction as the other characters. I think the story could just use a little more description to make it easier to read and understand. It has pretty good bones, but you can really build on what you have to make it even better. I was wondering if explaining Laurence's character, such as why he and the king were friends, would be an interesting point. Also what Laurence's main job or talent is, just to show why his friendship and help is valuable to the king. It read like a play, and I am not sure if that is what you were going for, but if you want to go in that direction, I think just a hint more structuring like a play would be helpful, like making a character list and explaining who they all are in more detail would be awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownOctober 12, 2018 at 1:05 PM

    Hey Paul,

    One thing I really like how you used a conversation when you separated your paragraphs and how you kept them separate every time you had a character talking. It made it easy to read. Over all your story was good. It was good that you changed the characters up and had similarity with the original story. I look forward to reading more of your stories! Keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
  5. SeanOctober 13, 2018 at 1:01 PM

    Hi Paul, this was a very interesting story! I like how you are able to set it up and let us know the grief the father felt when the sons were exiled, but also how you are able to make the exile seem like a routine part of their life that was just accepted to be something that happened. I really liked how this parallels well to their search for Hanuman and Sugriva. Overall, this was a great story!

    ReplyDelete

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